Bring Your Significant Other To Work Day
by Luna Darkside
Summary: "It was common knowledge that Inspector Kudou Shinichi was the golden boy of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department. It was also common knowledge that he was married." - In which everyone thinks Shinichi is married to a perfect Japanese lady, and he's really... not. /ShinKai & KaiShin, oneshot, complete/


**AU: **Ten or eleven years past current timeline; Shinichi & Kaito are about twenty-six or twenty-seven. Shinichi has been a police officer since he was twenty-two (right after he graduated from college) and is now an inspector.

**Notes: **So, because I am lame as hell and couldn't think of names for the army of OCs I came up with, I just sort of scrambled names of ships from Haikyuu! and used those. Yeah.

Also, "Kai" is used as a nickname for Kaito. "Shin," however, is not used as a nickname for Shinichi, just because… reasons. I dunno. I feel as if Kaito would like having a nickname more than Shinichi would, despite that his name's shorter.

Hope you enjoy! - Luna

**Bring Your Significant Other To Work Day**

It was common knowledge that Inspector Kudou Shinichi was the golden boy of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.

"He's been working with us since he was a sophomore in high school," the older officers liked to tell the new recruits, casting fond glances at where Kudou Shinichi himself sat at his slightly secluded desk, bent over a stack of case files with a cup of the station's awful attempt at coffee positioned at his elbow and a pensive expression on his face. "He's a certifiable genius – came here straight after he graduated with his criminal justice degree and was instantly promoted to inspector. A real asset to the department."

("Yes, he's certainly got an _ass_et," one of the more daring recruits had dreamily commented one time, transfixed as Kudou had stood and bent to retrieve a fallen paper, and had received a concussion-inducing smack on the head for his trouble.)

He was fairly well known for being a good person, too. Although he didn't spend much of his time socializing with his subordinates or his peers, he was still the type to stop and help fumbling girls pick up their dropped papers or run banal errands beneath his rank of inspector, things like buying coffee or copying case reports, albeit with some grumbling. If you did manage to get him in a conversation, he was wonderfully snarky and sarcastic while also being intelligent and understanding. He was in possession of the kind of smile that stopped wars and the kind of azure eyes that had crime lords doing double takes (which had actually happened once).

It was also common knowledge that Kudou Shinichi was married.

This had been discovered by the newer officers after the first brave soul, a bold young lady from the traffic division, had approached his desk to brazenly ask him to lunch. She had returned to deliver the verdict with a wobbling bottom lip.

"I went up to him," she had sobbed, hands pressed damsel-in-distress-style to her cheeks in anguish, "and asked him if he wanted to get something to eat, and he just looked at me for ten seconds before he smiled and pointed at the ring on his left hand and said he was sorry, but he was _married_!"

There had been the sound of approximately eighteen hearts breaking, male and female alike, that resulted in a very loud unofficial "Cry Over Kudou Shinichi's Attractive Marriedness" party at the nearest bar.

But after the initial shock, heartbreak, tears, etc. passed, everyone began to speculate about what, exactly, Kudou's mysterious wife was like. It was a common topic when everyone took their coffee break.

"What's the ring like?" Hiyama, one of Kudou's direct subordinates, asked one drizzly Tuesday afternoon as the lower ranked officers hung around in the break room with cups of weak, watery coffee.

"Kind of – simple, I guess." Asano from the arson department answered, throwing back her coffee as if she were taking a shot. She made a face afterwards, scrubbing her mouth with the back of her hand in disgust. "I saw it when he handed me a picture of the suspect for the Takeda case. It was just white gold with some…" She waved a hand vaguely. "Scripty bits, I think. Something engraved."

"So that means his wife's not into anything super flashy?" Hiyama wondered, scowling contemplatively into his cup. "Or maybe it just means she was okay with him not getting a really swanky ring for himself."

"Did you just say _swanky_?" Tojima from criminal affairs demanded, glaring at Hiyama as if Hiyama had personally affronted him.

Hiyama ignored him. "What about his friends? What could they indicate?"

"Well," Sugamura, a recently-promoted sergeant from the homicide division, piped up from where she was sitting on one of the rickety folding chairs in the corner, "I've met Mouri Ran – you know, the national karate champion. They were childhood friends, but she's married to someone else now."

"His best friend's Hattori Heiji, right? The star assistant inspector from the Osaka force," Asano chipped in. "I've met him a few times – he's a little overbearing and kinda hot-headed. But he and Inspector Kudou get along well."

"Oh, and remember when that time after Inspector Kudou confronted Ushijima and got shot?" Akato, who had just entered the room, added. "That other guy showed up as his emergency contact. The… the one with the messy hair." He paused. "I don't remember his name, though. Do any of you guys?"

There was a murmur of _no_'s and glances around. Most of them had been more concerned about Kudou's scrape with near-death than with who his emergency contact had been. Actually, none of them really remembered what the messy-haired man had looked like.

Scrunching her nose, Sugamura wondered, "Wasn't he some kind of magician, though? I thought I overheard Inspector Kudou asking if he was missing a show or something by coming to the hospital."

"Oh, so what, you think he's, like, Kuroba Kaito or something?" Tojima scoffed, and everyone rolled their eyes in agreement. It was doubtful that Kudou's friend could be _the _Kuroba Kaito, the fledgling magician who had gained worldwide fame in less than two years and whose name was plastered all over the entertainment section of almost every paper.

"Right." Hiyama drew everyone's attention back to him. "Based on all of that, what do you guys think?" he asked, looking from face to face. "What do you think she's like?"

The officers were always split on this. At first, they'd thought Mrs. Kudou would be a quiet, shy young lady, a perfect Yamato Nadeshiko who liked to do flower arranging and tea ceremony in her free time, but then someone had pointed out that Kudou actually liked the thrill of bringing criminals to justice and disarming bombs when the bomb squad couldn't make it in time (that had been a rather stressful Friday) and that he probably wouldn't be interested in the silent, submissive type.

Their next theory was that she was a bombshell blonde that Kudou had picked up during the few months he'd spent in the States a while back, some beautiful foreign woman who greeted him at the door with a purred, "Welcome home, darling," and lacy lingerie.

_That _one was probably even harder to believe, though, because despite the fact that Kudou was fluent in English and could probably communicate perfectly well with a foreigner, absolutely nobody could see him with a buxom, brainless blonde. He valued intelligence far too much for that.

The current favorite was that Kudou was married to a gorgeous biology professor or a geneticist or something, someone science-y who could appreciate Kudou's dry sense of humor and talk to him about the latest in organic chemistry over a traditional Japanese dinner.

Every time one of the older officers, most specifically Takagi or Satou, happened to intrude upon one of these conversations, they always shook their head fondly at their juniors.

"You're spending far too much time thinking about this. If you really want to know what Kudou-kun's other half is like, just ask him," Satou usually advised, shaking her head and muttering something about the younger generation not knowing where to draw the line.

Takagi was generally more sporting, though. He liked to stand around and listen to their theories, laughing especially at the American one every time it resurfaced but never offering any indication of which was closest to the truth. And whenever someone demanded he share whatever he knew about Kudou's mysterious wife, he always turned reserved and told the group, "If Kudou-kun wants to tell you about his significant other, he will. It's not my place."

Needless to say, this never ceased to be frustrating.

So when Shiratori gathered every division he could and announced that he would be throwing a party for Inspector Megure's fifty-fourth birthday here at headquarters on the fourteenth, and wouldn't they all like to attend with their plus ones, all of the younger officers were thrilled when Shinichi looked up from writing his report and said, "Sure. I'll bring Kai."

This was greeted with silent shrieks of excitement, because her name was _Kai_? Sugamura, Asano, and Akato called a three-minute meeting to try to decide if Kai was her name or a nickname – "It could be short for Kaiya! Or Kaida!" – before Shiratori told them to get back to work.

The next few weeks were spent hyped up on coffee, adrenaline from finally chasing and catching an elusive serial killer, and the fact that they would be meeting Kudou's wife in a matter of days. Kudou himself had been forced to tell Hiyama to shut up several times, which was surprisingly as Kudou rarely ever had to discipline his officers – they usually were on task and able to work efficiently, and they respected him enough not to do anything that would reflect badly on him.

And then finally the fourteenth arrived.

Shiratori being Shiratori, the entire headquarters had been cleaned and decorated to rival a royal wedding, with frosty silver streamers and matching fairy lights hanging from every possible surface and various French dishes served on white china platters sitting serenely on white-tableclothed tables in one corner. Mood music, some odd mixture of English-speaking indie artists, played softly in the background. There were, of course, several bottles of Romanée-Conti circulating around the people already gathered.

The younger officers were huddled in one corner, taking sips of their wine every now and again as they stared furiously at the entrance. Kudou had yet to make an appearance, and they were beginning to wonder if he was ever going to show up.

Just as Tojima finished making an irritated comment to Akato, Kudou walked through the door, dressed casually in a pressed button-down… and with _Kuroba Kaito, the famous magician, _at his side?!

For a full two seconds, no one moved as Kudou (and _Kuroba_) hurried to wish Inspector Megure a happy birthday and say hello to his wife.

"Ku-Ku-Kuroba-san is wearing a matching wedding ring. A ring that matches Inspector Kudou's. A _matching ring_," Asano stammered, looking faint. She grabbed onto Sugamura for support.

It was at the moment, when all five of them were trying to understand what exactly was happening, that Kudou spotted Hiyama and, leading Kuroba gently by the elbow, approached them. He was wearing an easy smile, twin spots of color painted high across his cheeks, as he drew to a halt in front of them, Kuroba beaming dazzlingly at them. He had very white teeth, Hiyama noted in the part of his brain that was still functioning.

"Kai, this is one of my best officers, Hiyama Akio," Kudou introduced, still smiling, and Hiyama scrambled to extend a hand. Kuroba accepted it warmly, indigo eyes dancing.

"I'm Kuroba Kaito, Shinichi's husband," he returned, and Hiyama choked, hacking loudly into his elbow. He wondered if his eyeballs were as close to falling out as they felt.

"Hm?" Kudou, clearly startled by this reaction, peered around the little circle to find all shocked faces. He blinked. "Oh, did you – not know?" He wrapped an arm – a little possessively, in Hiyama's opinion – around Kuroba's waist. "We've been married for…" Pausing, he suddenly looked a little lost. "How long has it been?"

"Three years," Kuroba answered, chiding. He shook his head disbelievingly, albeit affectionately, at him. "I can't believe you actually _forgot_."

"We've been dating for the past ten years!" Kudou defended himself, going a little red at the tips of his ears. "Getting married wasn't, you know, a big change or anything."

"I know," Kuroba sang, smirking. "I just like screwing with you." He paused. "And screwing _you_, for the matter."

There was a collective strangled sound from the younger officers. Kudou just looked at Kuroba askance. "Why did I marry you, again?"

Meanwhile, Akato stammered, "Y-You were supposed to like - tea ceremony. And flower arranging." The other four turned to glare at him – that probably wasn't going to help in any capacity– but neither Kudou nor Kuroba seemed particularly put-out by the question.

"I'm really not good at flower arranging," Kuroba informed him, almost apologetic. He tossed Kudou a contemplative glance. "Shinichi, here, though – he's 'got the eye for it.'"

"We took _one _class. _One_," Shinichi stressed. "And the instructor thought she could set her daughter up with me. That's the only reason she said that."

Kuroba donned a pensive, faraway expression. "Didn't she back off, though? After the lesson?"

"Because she found us making out next to her koi pond," Shinichi added, sounding almost – wistful. "And then she kicked us out. I don't think I ever recovered my shirt from that pond, though."

"Oh, right."

Hiyama gaped openly. First of all, he did _not _want to think about Kudou making out with Kuroba – or anyone, for the matter, and second of all, he did _not _want to think about Kudou being nostalgic about making out with Kuroba.

Emboldened by the couple's favorable response to their first theory, Sugamura took this chance to interject, "You know, Inspector Kudou, we – we actually thought your, ah, significant other would be some kind of foreigner. An American or something – a… blonde of some kind."

Eyebrows flying upwards, Kudou shared an indecipherable look with Kuroba before they seemed to come to a mutual consensus. "We don't talk about Kai's blond phase," Kudou said, solemn but resolute, and everyone blinked in confusion for a minute or two.

Finally breaking the silence that had condensed, Tojima remarked, "They thought you'd welcome him home in lingerie, Kuroba-san," and earned himself a shocked "_Tojima_!" from the others. He looked at them, unashamed. "What? You all totally did."

"Mm…" Kudou seemed to think about it. "I don't know if you'd call it _lingerie_, but there was this one time –"

"It was more than one time," Kuroba corrected. "It was probably closer to fourteen times."

Kudou nodded in agreement before amending his earlier words. "There were about fourteen times where Kai opened the door while wearing this lacy white –"

"_Okay um I think I need more alcohol_," Hiyama said, and bolted in search of one of the wine bottles. He did _not _want to hear about his boss's sex life, no matter how much he respected him.

When he returned, cup refilled and nerves resettled, Kudou was laughing at Asano's suggestion that Kuroba was any kind of professor while Kuroba sulked.

"Teaching really isn't Kai's forte. He tried to teach me how to do a simple magic trick when we first started going out. It… didn't work."

"That restaurant overreacted!" Kuroba insisted, scowling deeply as a flush crawled up his neck, and Kudou patted him on the cheek patronizingly.

"Right, right. The fact that we've been unable to set foot in one of my favorite restaurants for the past ten years is completely insignificant. Of course, sweetheart."

Noting the way Kuroba's face instantly went sour at the appellation, Hiyama got the feeling that Kudou was being sarcastic.

Well, he thought, watching Kuroba and Kudou argue about whether learning how to make roses appear out of nowhere was worth never being able to go to Columbo again (Kuroba steadfastly claimed it _totally _was, Kudou vehemently insisted it _definitely_ wasn't), even if Kuroba was nothing like what he'd expected, he had to admit that he'd never seen Kudou smile this much at once… so maybe Kuroba wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

><p>"I think that went well," Kaito called from their bedroom as Shinichi stepped out of the shower, toweling off his hair. He appeared in the doorway wearing only pajama bottoms, catching Shinichi's eyes in the mirror as he took a sip of water from the cup in his hand. "They seem like good kids."<p>

"They're hardly _kids_," Shinichi muttered, wrapping his towel around his waist before he reached for his toothbrush. "They're only younger than us by a year or two at most."

Kaito just grinned, setting his cup on the edge of the bathtub. He took a couple steps forward, languidly draping his arms around Shinichi's waist. His skin was warm and dry against Shinichi's, and Shinichi let his head fall back against Kaito's collarbone. Kaito smelled clean and comfortable, a mixture of the mint shampoo they shared and the strange cinnamon scent that always seemed to follow him. "I suppose that's true. But they're all still rather cute, wouldn't you say? Especially Hiyama. He really looks up to you, you know."

Scowling, Shinichi rinsed out his mouth before he turned to face his husband, Kaito's arms still locked loosely around him. "I believe this is the part where I get upset over you calling anyone else cute."

"Oh, but you're the cut_est_, Shinichi," Kaito all but purred, lips curving into one of the smirks Shinichi half-loathed, half-adored, and Shinichi rolled his eyes as he looped his arms around Kaito's neck.

"Although I am..." Kaito began, then stopped. A flicker of doubt passed over his face, one that Shinichi didn't miss. "I…"

Shinichi lifted a hand, raking it gently through Kaito's still-damp hair. "What is it?" he asked, trying his hardest to keep his tone both light and consoling.

Kaito sighed, a warm gust of air over Shinichi's mouth. "I am… mildly concerned that they didn't know you were married to _me_."

"Oh." Shinichi blinked. "You're upset because you think I'm ashamed of being married to you."

"I said 'mildly concerned'!"

"I know what you _said_," Shinichi soothed, thumbing the ridge of Kaito's cheekbone, "but I know what you _meant _as well." He smiled, before he glanced away. "It wasn't that I was _ashamed_, or anything. It was more that I wasn't sure how'd they… react to you being you."

It was Kaito's turn to read between the lines. He was grinning. "You thought they'd all fall in love with me or something."

"Sh-Shut up," Shinichi groused, halfheartedly trying to break free of Kaito's hold. "That's not what I said at all."

"Sure," Kaito half-sang, leaning forward until his lips were pressed to the pulse point along the side of Shinichi's neck. He sucked lightly, drawing a surprised inhale from Shinichi, and smiled against Shinichi's skin. "But I think you don't realize how much they all adore _you_."

"Well, I don't think they realize how much _I _adore _you_," Shinichi murmured, pulling Kaito's face up to kiss him briefly. "I really do love you, you know. I'll never be ashamed of you."

"I do know, actually," Kaito beamed, pecking him on the corner of the mouth before he abruptly lifted Shinichi in a bridal carry and started for the bedroom.

"Kai! The towel –"

"You didn't need it anymore, anyway."

"You are insuffera – _mmph._"

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, I don't really... okay,<strong>** I'm going to go now. Hope you enjoyed this, even just a little - if you did, please consider dropping me a review! - and I'll be back soon! Love you all! - Luna**


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